Fonder or Wander?

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Does it?  Or is it just that -- absence.  Does it make love stronger or make life lonely and sad?

I felt like I was getting separation anxiety just thinking about Derek leaving for the academy.  Six months of him being gone through the week.  Minimal phone contact.  And I work every other weekend, so the hours we actually get to spend together would be slim-to-none.

Derek and I had a long-distance relationship while he was going to school in Carbondale.  It was hard, but we never had any issues.  We talked on the phone every. single. day.  I could call him when I needed to vent.  He would call me every night before bed and tell me he loved me.  Even though we didn't see each other, we talked every day.  And that made all the difference.

But the academy is completely different.  He turns his phone in at the door.  If I need to tell him something I have to wait until he gets home on Friday nights. (And for the past 4 weeks they haven't been awarded "phone priveleges", so the weekends are our only opportunity to catch up.)  That can be a scary thing.  Especially when you know communication is one of the most important factors in keeping a strong relationship.

I think absence can be a double-edged sword.

On one hand, it can be easy to drift apart when you don't spend time with someone.  Absence can make a person feel emotionally isolated and alone.

One the other hand, you can benefit from spending some time apart.  The lack of something can often increase the desire for it.  A little space can really help you realize what the other person means to you.

But the academy has given me a couple great reminders:

#1. I can stand on my own two feet.  I don't ever want to have to live without Derek, but
if I had to I know that I could.  I am a strong, educated, independent woman.  And it's good to be reminded of that sometimes.

#2.  I am absolutely-head-over-heels-crazy-in-love with Derek.  And the way he scoops me up and hugs me tight the moment he gets home and tears up when he hugs me before he leaves to go back, I know that he feels exactly the same way.  You know the butterflies and absolute excitement you have in the very beginning of a relationship?  Yeah, I feel that way again and it's fabulous.

I think a few years ago I would have said that "absence leaves the heart room to wander".  But I can say without a doubt now that "absence makes the heart grown fonder."  Absence gives the heart perspective.  It reminds you of what you are without that person, but also what you are with them.  It gives you time to reflect on your relationship and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Now can it be July 26th already so he can come home and I can be sick of him?  Hehe!  ;)